Oh, my heart! I could have written these words myself—particularly because I’m also in the liminal space just before my child enters kindergarten. What a time of reckoning. In large part with this:
“The human mind likes to think dualistically, and the culture war between working mothers and primary caregivers is no exception. Outsource your childcare, and now you have a second mortgage with a side of guilt and never-ending viruses; raise them yourself and prepare for people to chip away at your self-esteem with their condescension and ignorance.“
So beautiful written and so relatable. I’m sending lots of good vibes for a peaceful kindergarten transition!! So exciting!
I think if I could snap my fingers and have one obsessive thought loop disappear - it would be this one. I have a conversation with myself about this daily. This is the second year all 3 of mine are in school all day and I feel a pressure to “figure out what I’m doing” or a pressure to make money (not from my spouse, just because “that’s what people do”), or that I should be building my resume (I’m a teacher by trade so I feel like I should get on a sub list)… but at the end of the day, I don’t want to. I have two special needs kids and that is my full time gig right now. But I still pendulum swing daily between work and home. Listing the ways women in your family have negotiated their roles was so interesting and makes me think I should do the same.
Thank you, Lindsey! And I definitely go through the same obsessive thought loop—it's hard not to living in a postmodern society! I think there's so much power in knowing what your children and partner need from you at this very moment, all while being open to the possibility that something might change. The rest of it is just (very distracting) noise from our alter-ego ;)
I recently said to a friend that I wish we would stop categorizing parents as "good" or "bad", and to reframe it as their ability to be present. Regardless of if we work outside of the house or not, can we put our phone down and listen to our children with an open heart? Is it possible to accept their emotions as the truth, and hold space for them even though we secretly want to laugh out loud? How do we acknowledge where society says our children *should be* developmentally, while also keeping in mind their individual, evolving needs? It's thinking, it's intuition, it's knowing when to be still or take action, and honestly, harder than any job I've ever worked.
I can’t believe I’m just now catching up on your write life balance!
I have little words honestly. I can feel your heart as if it were my own swell with both pride of your daughter and anguish of letting her skip into this next stage in life. (Sounds like she had a fantastic time!)
Life is chaotic and messy and beautiful. When we’re in the thick of it we can’t see in front of us but looking back - I just think wow.
Your questions have me pondering in big ways. Inner child work has been my focus lately..
In your defense, you were at a family reunion! And yes, there's something about the hop and skip into 5 and nearing the end of the preschool journey that's been giving me all the feels.
We are LONG overdue for kid-free time...texting now!
I was lucky to be in Austria where maternity leave lasts a year and after that childcare is free/cheap. However it was also the pandemic a few months after I went back to work and I found the whole thing quite isolating. I should have made more effort to see my mom group. We were all overwhelmed. Lovely women. Most of us away from family and close friends (or old friends with kids). I guess no matter the work/financial situation, having those networks are so worth it. And maybe this is also a space for it! 💙💙💙
Austria's maternity leave policies sound amazing—I wish they would adopt something similar in the U.S., where the childcare prices continue to rise and the teachers don't seem to be reaping the benefits. And it is SO hard to make space for it all, and I'd imagine it gets even harder to forge connections with other parents during drop-offs and pickups.
I'm so excited for your upcoming move to London, and can't wait to hear more 💖
Oh, my heart! I could have written these words myself—particularly because I’m also in the liminal space just before my child enters kindergarten. What a time of reckoning. In large part with this:
“The human mind likes to think dualistically, and the culture war between working mothers and primary caregivers is no exception. Outsource your childcare, and now you have a second mortgage with a side of guilt and never-ending viruses; raise them yourself and prepare for people to chip away at your self-esteem with their condescension and ignorance.“
Thankful for this whole piece.
It's such a huge transition! Hugs to you and your little one and I will definitely be thinking of you on drop off day.
So beautiful written and so relatable. I’m sending lots of good vibes for a peaceful kindergarten transition!! So exciting!
I think if I could snap my fingers and have one obsessive thought loop disappear - it would be this one. I have a conversation with myself about this daily. This is the second year all 3 of mine are in school all day and I feel a pressure to “figure out what I’m doing” or a pressure to make money (not from my spouse, just because “that’s what people do”), or that I should be building my resume (I’m a teacher by trade so I feel like I should get on a sub list)… but at the end of the day, I don’t want to. I have two special needs kids and that is my full time gig right now. But I still pendulum swing daily between work and home. Listing the ways women in your family have negotiated their roles was so interesting and makes me think I should do the same.
Thank you, Lindsey! And I definitely go through the same obsessive thought loop—it's hard not to living in a postmodern society! I think there's so much power in knowing what your children and partner need from you at this very moment, all while being open to the possibility that something might change. The rest of it is just (very distracting) noise from our alter-ego ;)
I recently said to a friend that I wish we would stop categorizing parents as "good" or "bad", and to reframe it as their ability to be present. Regardless of if we work outside of the house or not, can we put our phone down and listen to our children with an open heart? Is it possible to accept their emotions as the truth, and hold space for them even though we secretly want to laugh out loud? How do we acknowledge where society says our children *should be* developmentally, while also keeping in mind their individual, evolving needs? It's thinking, it's intuition, it's knowing when to be still or take action, and honestly, harder than any job I've ever worked.
Sophia, this was incredible. 🔥
Thanks, Maddie 🥰 Hang in there with the (re)construction of your bathroom!
Almost there...! 😜
Kindergarten is a big deal! Let it be and trust you'll find your way just as you did before, although your brain never be the same again. 🤪
I have no idea what to expect, and will take your word for it! 😂
I can’t believe I’m just now catching up on your write life balance!
I have little words honestly. I can feel your heart as if it were my own swell with both pride of your daughter and anguish of letting her skip into this next stage in life. (Sounds like she had a fantastic time!)
Life is chaotic and messy and beautiful. When we’re in the thick of it we can’t see in front of us but looking back - I just think wow.
Your questions have me pondering in big ways. Inner child work has been my focus lately..
In your defense, you were at a family reunion! And yes, there's something about the hop and skip into 5 and nearing the end of the preschool journey that's been giving me all the feels.
We are LONG overdue for kid-free time...texting now!
I love this, Sophia!
Thanks so much, Erin!
I was lucky to be in Austria where maternity leave lasts a year and after that childcare is free/cheap. However it was also the pandemic a few months after I went back to work and I found the whole thing quite isolating. I should have made more effort to see my mom group. We were all overwhelmed. Lovely women. Most of us away from family and close friends (or old friends with kids). I guess no matter the work/financial situation, having those networks are so worth it. And maybe this is also a space for it! 💙💙💙
Austria's maternity leave policies sound amazing—I wish they would adopt something similar in the U.S., where the childcare prices continue to rise and the teachers don't seem to be reaping the benefits. And it is SO hard to make space for it all, and I'd imagine it gets even harder to forge connections with other parents during drop-offs and pickups.
I'm so excited for your upcoming move to London, and can't wait to hear more 💖